Motherhood

Being a mom is a very wonderful part of who I am, but it is NOT who I am. The problem is I don't know who I am anymore!

I've been having a lot of "oh fuck, who I am I" episodes lately and it has really got me thinking.

I've been a mother for so long that now I'm kind of lost. And for a long time being a mother was enough, but it's not enough anymore. Woman can not survive on motherhood alone!

I've been doing a lot of soul searching. Trying to figure out what it is that I need. I feel like I have a big hole in me at times and I have no idea how to fill it.

Sometimes I feel like I could go over the edge, and there are days when it's just not worth it! The hours of screaming, fighting and complaining are not always worth the 1 adorable smile I get from my 2 year old.

We don't like to talk about it in our society, but at times being a mom is not wonderful. It's a ruthless bitch! Especially since we as women are so hard on ourselves. We feel bad about the smallest things, and we have a hard time getting over those feelings.

I'm learning to let go. I'm learning not to fret if my kids eat too much junk food or watch too much TV. I'm learning not to compare myself to the super moms out there. I don't believe they really exist anyways.

At times I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water, but I cling to the hope that it will get better. Dear god(dess) let it get better!