old post

I just found this post and even though it was finished I never posted it. I honestly don't remember writing it. I feel like this a lot and the only reason I can think of for not posting it is that maybe I was ashamed. I'm going to post it now though.

I feel like I have a giant hole inside me. I feel like it's getting ready to fester and ooze over. Something is missing and I don't know what it is. I feel isolated and disconnected from everyone around me. I try to fill it, but nothing seems to work. I don't know what I need. I don't know how to fix it. I feel like my home is killing me. I need to be outside and walk in the dirt. When I talk to people I feel like there is a piece of glass between us. I feel like they're hazy and sometimes I wonder if I'm really speaking to them.
I want to scream, "what am I doing here!"
I need to be making something, but I don't know what. I try cooking but still I am empty. I try building, but still I am empty. EMPTY! EMPTY! EMPTY!
I wonder if digging in the dirt will fill me up. I wonder if being alone will fill me up.
I feel a complete disconnect from Mother Earth