Saturday, May 28, 2011

Why did you choose to home school?

As an unschooling family I am often asked why I choose to home school. Usually the question is from people who don't have kids yet or from those that have kids in public school. It's a question that always makes me uncomfortable because I always worry about offending people. I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but because of this fear I have not been honoring myself and my own experiences. In the past I have usually just given some vague answer like, "oh, that's what works best for our family" but from now on I am going to try to be more honest. I don't feel like I need to tell people all the problems with public schools but I do feel like I need to tell people about all of MY problems with PS. The issues I faced as a student in the PS system. I feel like I was chewed up and spit out by school. To say that PS and I were not a good match is an understatement! I hated it, and not because all my teachers were horrible (though most were) or that I was bullied or anything like that. It was just not a good fit for me. At all! I was not made to be caged and told how to learn and think. Very few kids are. I hated the drudgery and boredom. I hated having to learn on someone else schedule. I use to spend hours at the library in the reference section just researching any and everything my heart desired. I did not hate learning. I loved it, but it needed to be my own choice. Being told what to learn will make a person hate a subject faster than anything!
I took typing/computer class several times in school, but I didn't learn to type until several years after I graduated. I just wasn't ready at the time but the class was mandatory so I took it. It was a waste of my time and it makes me sick to think about it.
I had math and the importance of math shoved down my throat more times than I can count, but guess what? Beyond basic math it was all pretty pointless. I know many people will go on to use advanced math in their careers, but I don't. I'm also confident that if I ever had to learn advanced math I could.
I use to make myself sick about school. The thought of going would literally make me ill. To the point that I would throw up. I feared it like people fear the dark. As a young child it was torturous and I actually have a hard time not crying for that small version of myself. I was a shell of a person at the age of 5. I seemed better on the outside as I got older but it was just for show.
For several years after I was out of school I would have recurring nightmares that I was back in school. The dreams would always be filled with panic. I wouldn't be able to find a class, an assignment would be missing, a pop quiz whatever , the point is they were never pleasant dreams. I would always wake up with my heart racing then instantly feel relieved that it wasn't real. About a year ago, I had one of my school dreams except this time in my dream I dropped out. Yep, I walked right into my dream principals office and dropped out of school! The funny thing is I haven't had a nightmare about being back in school since! Dropping out, even in dream form was some weird sort of closure for me. It hasn't erased all the damage that school did for me but I took as a sign that I am moving in the right direction.
My feelings from that time were real and shouldn't be ignored so from now on when people ask me why I home school I'm going to honor myself and my feelings and share my experience with them.

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